Battlefront

Well unfortunately I have been keeping a stupid battle going that I should have just given over on. Given over to God that is... Sometimes I can have the greatest faith where people just shake their heads in wonder and sometime not so great in areas I need to have that kind of faith in. This is one of those areas. Growing faith is an interesting concept and it takes God and the believer to do it, but mostly the believer. My husband and I have been disagreeing and actually fighting on one particular idea. My calling... He's OK with the fact I have been called by God to teach but he is unhappy about the where. I have been very adamant about getting back into the will of God and just seem to have a strong "focus" on this very thing. It's like I'm "direct line thinking." In horse training this is a bad thing because horses are not direct line thinkers. Anything that comes at them in a straight line has to be a predator and must be out to "eat" them! So in thinking this way maybe it's too strong. Well it came to a boiling point last week. My husband got tired of hearing me whine and cut me to the quick. I probably deserved it anyway but as I was telling him what info I got at the bible study Wed. night he just cut me down.
Then the next morning he claimed to have a "discussion" with God all night about it. So as I talked with him on the phone, he said God told him to release me and let me go. Not divorce or anything but to let me do what I had to do. God's specific directions were, "If she can't wait on me then release her to do what she thinks I need her to do." I would hear this part later cause I asked him about it. Steve (husband) also said God told him how to release me from out under his "spiritual responsibility" (hedge). I had gotten so upset about it that I called one of my good friends and explained it to her. She gave me sound biblical council on what I should do about it. She had said if he was serious about releasing me and writing a letter stating so that I should let him do it! I would still be under the submission of my husband if I did. That floored me! Didn't expect to hear that. She also said I needed to apologize for being rebellious which I can be very much so if I believe he is wrong. That made me feel better. Then came the fun part and I actually got alot out of it. Steve also "decided" to tell me of a vision he had about the "wrong" I would have committed. He said that I would have went back to where I wanted to be without him and would have eventually divorced him. (stupid) Then I would have single-handedly brought that entire ministry to ruin by my "disobedience." The people there would have blamed Steve for it and I would have been "alienated" from everybody. What a pretty picture!! I didn't believe it for some reason and that is the first time I've had a problem with what Steve has said about what God told him. But it was about me and I guess I got defensive about it.
I seemed to be OK with him the rest of the evening but after he left and I went to bed things got real bad. I went into a state of mental anguish and cried myself to sleep. I told God that I wanted to give his gift of teaching back since I couldn't use it. I knew he wouldn't take it back anyway. I was so upset I don't know what come over me but it was an attack and it was trying to get me to give up. I also made a decision to not discuss God with Steve anymore. I just don't feel like getting cut down anymore. Pride and jealousy just suck! I don't know why he thinks he's got to be better than me anyway. I guess I know nothing. Well I just keep my thoughts to myself now. The next day I was still really down and I got to call my friend again and she helped me see what I needed to see thru to help me. I also told her of the vision Steve told me. We both decided then and there it wasn't a message from the Lord.
I actually got something on that the next day. So I dissected it. Steve had said "if she won't wait on me" I don't really think that God is who I need to wait on in terms of my calling it's Steve I am waiting on. The only reason I think he would want to release me would be so I would just shut up. Besides he cannot release me of his spiritual responsibility anyway. I would have to be dead for that to take place. As far as the ministry to ruin and alienation, that seems to be going on right now. Steve needs to get where God has sent us and I guess that is where I have to wait on God to fix it. Our ministry for God as far as what God has called us to do has come to a screeching halt and I don't get to see my friends from the church much at all anymore. I do feel "left out and alienated". I don't know if it's this drive to get back to God's calling for my life that is causing me to be just outspoken or what.
Well to wrap this all up, my friend gave me more council and I asked God to forgive me for being so stupid and I had to ask Steve to forgive me for being rebellious and I just put all this in God's hands and let him deal with it. That's where the faith comes in. That's what I should have done from the beginning but my faith is weak in this kind of thing and I have a hard time doing this. But I will learn alot from this battle. My friend said "give it to God and if it's your calling that God wants you where he has sent you then he will move Steve out of the way so you can go there." God will move Steve and I have faith that he will do that. What I lack on this is patience. I feel I really need to be busy about God's work. I know what he has called me to do and I want to do it but I can't right now because of Steve. I am on a path of learning again and I will just have to take a break and learn more. I do have something new to do. My friend Jill is going to tutor me on how to put together a bible study on a subject. Now granted I know how to do this already and God gives me the material but I think she will give me a little more insight and maybe I can practice more with the presentation because even in front of her I am nervous!

Daily Confession

Today is a good day. I will have lots of fun and learn new things. The life of God is in me and His life gives light to my mind. I am strong and healthy. I am well favored spirit, soul, and body. The life of God is in me and His life gives health to my body. The angels of God are around me and protect me, so nothing bad happens to me. And God gives me what I need for each day so I have no lack, but I have abundance. And God gives me the wisdom and understanding in every situation I face, so I know what to do. I am nice. I am polite. I keep my body under control. And in everything I do I do my best. I know my God and in Him I am strong and do great things. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Repeat every morning or as many times as necessary throughout the day.

Apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers...

As I was laying in bed this morning, I seemed to get a revelation of sorts. This scripture came to mind.....



And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, Eph 4:11-12



There is more to this verse but I was meant to dwell on this particular part. You may read it if you wish as it gives more reasons for the verse 11.

So I got to thinking, which is my favorite pastime, and I also have to discern whether this is God talking or something else. You know other things can talk to you too. So I am thinking apostles, prophets, evengelists, pastors and teachers. I then think about teachers, hummm.... I also have to have a basic understanding of these 5 offices. Apostles someone told me are "church planters" but my bible commentary says "ambassadors". Prophets are someone who hears from God about future events but it also has to line up with God's word. Prophets can also bring words of encouragement or correction. Evengelists are gospel preachers. They hold revivals to bring people into the body of Christ and if there is a calling on their life they can be identified and put to work for the cause of the ministry. Now they don't have to answer the call. Pastors are shepherds of the church with a calling to feed the sheep. (congregation) All people need to be fed "spiritual food" for their spirit to grow and mature. Pastors are the main people for this job. But teachers also feed to sheep and are more to equip believers than pastors are. Teachers are the main way believers get their equipping done. Besides people have to pray and study on their own as well. But questions and discussions are best answered by either the pastor or teacher. I think that's why this scripture links them so close together. But if you think about it a bit all these offices need to have an extensive knowledge of the Word of God hence they go to bible college. Pastors and teachers even more so since they are the ones who have more contact with people on a daily basis. So the question that I was having answered is are teachers actually classified as pastors as well. Since most pastors are teachers and teachers can aspire to be pastors. Are they one in the same???? Is it the same role??? Now I've heard some pastors preach messages that have had no teaching in it whatsoever "for me". Their message might have spoke to someone else that needed to hear it just not me. So in the verse it says "some pastors and teachers" like it links these two together so as I would see it pastors are teachers and teachers are pastors so that would mean pastors are the only ones who should teach. And this brings us to the real issue of the message, can this role be filled by a woman???? But the question is answered that pastors are teachers and if you have a calling of a teacher then you are called as a pastor as well or serve in a pastoral role. What an interesting observation!!! But on the other hand is an overseer and a pastor the same??? It seems so but then the job description of an overseer seem to differ from a pastor. In 1 Timothy, it says of elders that there are the ones who oversee the church and others that "labor in the Word and doctrine." So you can be an elder and not preach or teach. Because this verse refers to "double honor" as one who rules well and preaches/teaches. (1 Tim 5:17) So can a pastor run the church and have someone else preach and teach?? Haven't seen this. I think my brain is about puzzled out so I will continue this thread another day and maybe get more on this later. (if I am confused then by all means feel free to fix it)

Anybody know how to add music to the blog??? I would like to have a song that I chose to play when someone checks out my blog. Thanks in advance!!

Letting Go

My heart beats standing on the edge,
but my feet have finally left the ledge.
Like an acrobat there's no turning back..

I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me
and my dreams..
I'm losing control of my destiny
it feels like I've fallen and that's what it's like to believe.

This is a giant leap of faith,
trusting and trying to embrace.
The fear of the unknown beyond my comfort zone.

I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me
and my dreams..
I'm losing control of my destiny
it feels like I've fallen and that's what it's like to believe.

Giving in to gravity, knowing you are holding me
I'm not afraid....

I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me
and my dreams...
I'm losing control of my destiny
it feels like I've fallen and that's what it's like to believe.

It feels like I've fallen and this is the life for me...

This is the song I connected with when I started the bible study I was teaching. It really gave me a joyful spirit and spoke to me, encouraged me. It was something to get out of my comfort zone and really do something for God. Not that I haven't before this just felt different. I hope and am praying that God will use me in this avenue again.

Romans 8

If God is for us, who can be against us?? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?? For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31,35,38-39
This is the verse I am thinking about today. Even though I am separated from my church family and friends, nothing can separate me from the love of God!!!

I am reading a book given to me by a co-worker and sister in the Lord, "The Complete idiot''s Guide to The Bible" and it is a splendid read! Full of history which is exactly what I am thirsting for. A rundown of the high points of each biblical book.

Handspinning clinic

OK, this blog will still be about the happenings around the farm and spinning! Crimp Haven Alpacas invited me to give a Drop Spindle clinic and it was this weekend. I had 6 students and by the end of the sesson everybody was making yarn!! Mike and Jeanne Wilson of Lexington, VA were the gracious hosts. They supplied the place and Elizabeth Jackson of Saville Hill Farm supplied the spindles. Elizabeth's husband makes these. As you can see we had a terrific time. I supplied the knowledge and some roving and we were off! Elizabeth also provided kits for sale and several people bought them. Four of these people were Alpaca breeders and others knitters. It's great when you can create something that you helped God raise right in your own backyard. Awesome!!

Romans 12:2 "Why am I like this?"

It seems that I was spiritually connected somewhere. The pastor at my old church preached a series on the very same thing I was teaching in the bible study. Interesting... He just does a lot better than I ever could. I learned quite a bit and with his permission will try and share it here.
We focused on Romans 12:1-2 last week in the bible study. Pastor Eppard focused on Romans 12:2 which reads..

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2.

The devil wants us to be "conformed to the world" and he, I believe helps us to create comfort zones. It was explained as if you have cattle and you need to confine them so you put them in a pen. The pen or fence is the comfort zone where you feel "secure." This really got into my spirit because in stepping out and leading a bible study, I "got out of the pen." I got outside my comfort zone of just sitting in the congregation. So as I see it the devil has been chasing me around for two months trying to throw me back in the pen!!! but now I'm not happy in the pen and I keep getting out!
Pastor Eppard also said that you need to be "transformed by the renewing of your mind." How many times have we heard this?? If you were in the bible study, you heard it every week. He explained it quite nicely, "not by praying you'll be different but by applying the Word to your circustances and experiences and finding out what God says." God wants the new creation that you are to shine thru. You implant the Word into your spirit. This doesn't happen by osmosis folks, it's by repeatedly choosing and doing what the Word says for that situation. It's like grafting a branch to a new tree. It doesn't happen overnight, it takes a few weeks for the tree to "accept" the new branch. (accept is the key word here) You also have to "receive and believe" what the Word says about you, about who you are as a new creation in Christ.

Pastor Eppard taught that you need to make a "Quality decision" that your life will not remain the same. Did I ever learn that! Doing something God called me to do and stepping into that role changed my perspective on a lot of things. When you feel and see the spirit working how can you not make a quality decision ?? Well some people can. The definition of a Quality decision is a decision that you do not pull back from. Don't let your past experiences dictate what you do today!! Learn to encourage yourself in the Lord. God will help you face your "giants" but you have to want to step up to the plate and say you're ready. I am going to keep on teaching and give the devil a run for his money!!

Ministry

Well God gave me an idea that I can still do ministry, on what else, my blog!
On Wednesday, the worst day I had this week, God gave me this scripture and I finally decided to stand on it. (I can be kinda stubborn)

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4

Yeah, "count it all joy", being separated from my friends at church is really a reason to be joyful!!! Never to worship with them again, or so it seems to me. I cry like three times a day and just about every time I think about it. But God is faithful and he will give me the strength to endure it. Tomorrow I go back to my old church in Staunton. I will reunite with some friends there. I know they will be glad to see us. I just didn't have the bond at this church as I did with CC of VA.
If I read the rest of the verse in James it says count it all joy when you fall into various trials. (I'd say I'm in a trial.) knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. The "testing of your faith" well I suppose since I stepped up a level now I need to see how faithful I am. God told me to continue on remaining faithful to him. My friend Rhonda said to me, "new level, new devil" and I know how true that is turning out. Satan had to send one of his meaner demons but it isn't going to get me down!! I will stand on the promises and authority that God has given me and go on.
So if the testing of my faith produces patience I need to wait and see what God has up his sleeve now.
The rest of the verse says this, But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. Perfect and complete, lacking nothing....
So I best practice some patience even though my will says "I wish patience would move a little faster!"
I know God will not fail me.

Cowboy Church of VA

Well, a chapter closed temporarily in our lives for now. I have a strong hope I will be back and hoping for my family as well. Maybe it is not for them to serve in ministry?? Who knows. It all just seemed to fall apart, Satan just ripped it to shreds and used family members against us. And I mean a family member! My husband was so blinded that he got upset and took some things a little too personal and stated that we all have to have nothing more to do with Cowboy Church. So we can't even attend. I had to step down from my bible study I was leading and the sadness I felt from having to leave all my friends was very painful. I had formed a bond with these folks stronger than any I have ever had with any other church group. They literaly were my extended family, my brothers and sisters in the Lord. I know it seems quite unfair but God's got a plan and I know he doesn't like to see things separtated. Especially families. I got a bunch of encouragement and lots of prayer and I am praying that my husband will see things thru different eyes and repent (turn back). I am also hoping that God's grace will be able to move hearts and also change minds to see things as he sees them. Humility is a big key to this. I will be in constant prayer over this ministry and of our situation.