So yes, I need to learn some patience, again. I have just finished reading the book of Job and learned quite a few things. First that stuff just happens. It affects us all. We need to look to our Lord in the midst of our trials and he will deliver us. Just because bad things happen doesn't necessarily mean we have done something wrong. We just get caught in bad stuff, it's how you handle it that matters. As God is speaking and questioning Job I asked God to speak to me. And that he did. After reading all that I answered with a very small "no." Let God be God. He knows what happens before what happens happens. I did like something I read in this book and will post it here for all you horse lovers out there.
Have you given the horse strength?
Have you clothed his neck with thunder?
Can you frighten him like a locust?
His majestic snorting strikes terror.
He paws in the valley, and rejoices in his strength;
He gallops into the clash of arms.
He mocks at fear, and is not frightened;
Nor does he turn back from the sword.
The quiver rattles against him,
The glittering spear and javelin.
He devours the distance with fierceness and rage;
Nor does he come to a halt because the trumpet has sounded.
At the blast of the trumpet he says, 'Aha!'
He smells the battle from afar,
The thunder of captains and shouting.
Job 39:19-25
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Back to Cowboy Church
Well it's been about a month since I last got to attend a Cowboy Church service. I've been through alot and I have been up and down on a roller coaster of emotions and obstacles, but I've learned alot too. God has been revealing his word to me as of late. First thing I really need to do is stop depending on my feelings so much. Unfortunately I have no idea how to go about it. I will have to really work on it and recognize when I'm doing it.
What I have learned the past few days is about submission. First I had to really figure out what it was. I learned first off it is voluntary, that I do not have to submit if I so choose not to. There are always consequences for every decision you make. And I mean every decision you make whether you make decisions for God or not. I also learned that certain requirements have to be met. Another big thing I learned was that I needed to submit to God first. I had it backwards and in submitting to my husband first I was not putting God first. There is nothing quite like the turmoil you can put yourself thru by having to choose to do what God has asked and having to choose to disobey someone in your family that has authority. If I disobey my husband aren't I disobeying God?? Depends on what is being asked. I also learned about honor. Since it was father's day alot of what I heard was about children and parents. Eph 6:1 & 2 states that children are to obey. By honoring your parents you give them the authority in your life to give you instruction and they should trust you to carry it out. No questions asked. You do this because you love your parents and trust them to not instruct you to carry out something they would not do themselves. Obedience is something you should do out of love. Submission is the willingness to get under the mission of another. You should trust them not to ask you to do something that is immoral or wrong. Something else along these lines I learned was some people put things first in their lives they are not supposed to. The example was a child, they spoil the child and answer to it's every whim. When something other than God, demands attention and you answer it, it becomes what you worship. You "bow down" to this "power" in your life. That is idolatry even if it is your child or "husband." You now are letting them call the shots and are bound by fear. Heathen gods always ruled by fear.
This part just confirmed what I was learning from God on my own. I also learned that I need to be more guarded about certain things. I let alot of things in but I also let alot of things out. Most of the time I sort thru all the things I let in and I dismiss those things that do not line up with God's word. I've been lazy about sorting as of late. I've also been letting things out that I should have kept to myself. Since I am going thru another level of learning I am going to depend on God to confirm what I learn is the right thing and I will be applying it instead of asking others if I should or if it is right. God is growing my patience in waiting on him and in trusting him alot more than I have been. That means I will not be asking Steve much about God's word because we don't agree on to much of it right now. I will pray God sends someone else to discuss these things with him.
What I have learned the past few days is about submission. First I had to really figure out what it was. I learned first off it is voluntary, that I do not have to submit if I so choose not to. There are always consequences for every decision you make. And I mean every decision you make whether you make decisions for God or not. I also learned that certain requirements have to be met. Another big thing I learned was that I needed to submit to God first. I had it backwards and in submitting to my husband first I was not putting God first. There is nothing quite like the turmoil you can put yourself thru by having to choose to do what God has asked and having to choose to disobey someone in your family that has authority. If I disobey my husband aren't I disobeying God?? Depends on what is being asked. I also learned about honor. Since it was father's day alot of what I heard was about children and parents. Eph 6:1 & 2 states that children are to obey. By honoring your parents you give them the authority in your life to give you instruction and they should trust you to carry it out. No questions asked. You do this because you love your parents and trust them to not instruct you to carry out something they would not do themselves. Obedience is something you should do out of love. Submission is the willingness to get under the mission of another. You should trust them not to ask you to do something that is immoral or wrong. Something else along these lines I learned was some people put things first in their lives they are not supposed to. The example was a child, they spoil the child and answer to it's every whim. When something other than God, demands attention and you answer it, it becomes what you worship. You "bow down" to this "power" in your life. That is idolatry even if it is your child or "husband." You now are letting them call the shots and are bound by fear. Heathen gods always ruled by fear.
This part just confirmed what I was learning from God on my own. I also learned that I need to be more guarded about certain things. I let alot of things in but I also let alot of things out. Most of the time I sort thru all the things I let in and I dismiss those things that do not line up with God's word. I've been lazy about sorting as of late. I've also been letting things out that I should have kept to myself. Since I am going thru another level of learning I am going to depend on God to confirm what I learn is the right thing and I will be applying it instead of asking others if I should or if it is right. God is growing my patience in waiting on him and in trusting him alot more than I have been. That means I will not be asking Steve much about God's word because we don't agree on to much of it right now. I will pray God sends someone else to discuss these things with him.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Battlefront
Well unfortunately I have been keeping a stupid battle going that I should have just given over on. Given over to God that is... Sometimes I can have the greatest faith where people just shake their heads in wonder and sometime not so great in areas I need to have that kind of faith in. This is one of those areas. Growing faith is an interesting concept and it takes God and the believer to do it, but mostly the believer. My husband and I have been disagreeing and actually fighting on one particular idea. My calling... He's OK with the fact I have been called by God to teach but he is unhappy about the where. I have been very adamant about getting back into the will of God and just seem to have a strong "focus" on this very thing. It's like I'm "direct line thinking." In horse training this is a bad thing because horses are not direct line thinkers. Anything that comes at them in a straight line has to be a predator and must be out to "eat" them! So in thinking this way maybe it's too strong. Well it came to a boiling point last week. My husband got tired of hearing me whine and cut me to the quick. I probably deserved it anyway but as I was telling him what info I got at the bible study Wed. night he just cut me down.
Then the next morning he claimed to have a "discussion" with God all night about it. So as I talked with him on the phone, he said God told him to release me and let me go. Not divorce or anything but to let me do what I had to do. God's specific directions were, "If she can't wait on me then release her to do what she thinks I need her to do." I would hear this part later cause I asked him about it. Steve (husband) also said God told him how to release me from out under his "spiritual responsibility" (hedge). I had gotten so upset about it that I called one of my good friends and explained it to her. She gave me sound biblical council on what I should do about it. She had said if he was serious about releasing me and writing a letter stating so that I should let him do it! I would still be under the submission of my husband if I did. That floored me! Didn't expect to hear that. She also said I needed to apologize for being rebellious which I can be very much so if I believe he is wrong. That made me feel better. Then came the fun part and I actually got alot out of it. Steve also "decided" to tell me of a vision he had about the "wrong" I would have committed. He said that I would have went back to where I wanted to be without him and would have eventually divorced him. (stupid) Then I would have single-handedly brought that entire ministry to ruin by my "disobedience." The people there would have blamed Steve for it and I would have been "alienated" from everybody. What a pretty picture!! I didn't believe it for some reason and that is the first time I've had a problem with what Steve has said about what God told him. But it was about me and I guess I got defensive about it.
I seemed to be OK with him the rest of the evening but after he left and I went to bed things got real bad. I went into a state of mental anguish and cried myself to sleep. I told God that I wanted to give his gift of teaching back since I couldn't use it. I knew he wouldn't take it back anyway. I was so upset I don't know what come over me but it was an attack and it was trying to get me to give up. I also made a decision to not discuss God with Steve anymore. I just don't feel like getting cut down anymore. Pride and jealousy just suck! I don't know why he thinks he's got to be better than me anyway. I guess I know nothing. Well I just keep my thoughts to myself now. The next day I was still really down and I got to call my friend again and she helped me see what I needed to see thru to help me. I also told her of the vision Steve told me. We both decided then and there it wasn't a message from the Lord.
I actually got something on that the next day. So I dissected it. Steve had said "if she won't wait on me" I don't really think that God is who I need to wait on in terms of my calling it's Steve I am waiting on. The only reason I think he would want to release me would be so I would just shut up. Besides he cannot release me of his spiritual responsibility anyway. I would have to be dead for that to take place. As far as the ministry to ruin and alienation, that seems to be going on right now. Steve needs to get where God has sent us and I guess that is where I have to wait on God to fix it. Our ministry for God as far as what God has called us to do has come to a screeching halt and I don't get to see my friends from the church much at all anymore. I do feel "left out and alienated". I don't know if it's this drive to get back to God's calling for my life that is causing me to be just outspoken or what.
Well to wrap this all up, my friend gave me more council and I asked God to forgive me for being so stupid and I had to ask Steve to forgive me for being rebellious and I just put all this in God's hands and let him deal with it. That's where the faith comes in. That's what I should have done from the beginning but my faith is weak in this kind of thing and I have a hard time doing this. But I will learn alot from this battle. My friend said "give it to God and if it's your calling that God wants you where he has sent you then he will move Steve out of the way so you can go there." God will move Steve and I have faith that he will do that. What I lack on this is patience. I feel I really need to be busy about God's work. I know what he has called me to do and I want to do it but I can't right now because of Steve. I am on a path of learning again and I will just have to take a break and learn more. I do have something new to do. My friend Jill is going to tutor me on how to put together a bible study on a subject. Now granted I know how to do this already and God gives me the material but I think she will give me a little more insight and maybe I can practice more with the presentation because even in front of her I am nervous!
Then the next morning he claimed to have a "discussion" with God all night about it. So as I talked with him on the phone, he said God told him to release me and let me go. Not divorce or anything but to let me do what I had to do. God's specific directions were, "If she can't wait on me then release her to do what she thinks I need her to do." I would hear this part later cause I asked him about it. Steve (husband) also said God told him how to release me from out under his "spiritual responsibility" (hedge). I had gotten so upset about it that I called one of my good friends and explained it to her. She gave me sound biblical council on what I should do about it. She had said if he was serious about releasing me and writing a letter stating so that I should let him do it! I would still be under the submission of my husband if I did. That floored me! Didn't expect to hear that. She also said I needed to apologize for being rebellious which I can be very much so if I believe he is wrong. That made me feel better. Then came the fun part and I actually got alot out of it. Steve also "decided" to tell me of a vision he had about the "wrong" I would have committed. He said that I would have went back to where I wanted to be without him and would have eventually divorced him. (stupid) Then I would have single-handedly brought that entire ministry to ruin by my "disobedience." The people there would have blamed Steve for it and I would have been "alienated" from everybody. What a pretty picture!! I didn't believe it for some reason and that is the first time I've had a problem with what Steve has said about what God told him. But it was about me and I guess I got defensive about it.
I seemed to be OK with him the rest of the evening but after he left and I went to bed things got real bad. I went into a state of mental anguish and cried myself to sleep. I told God that I wanted to give his gift of teaching back since I couldn't use it. I knew he wouldn't take it back anyway. I was so upset I don't know what come over me but it was an attack and it was trying to get me to give up. I also made a decision to not discuss God with Steve anymore. I just don't feel like getting cut down anymore. Pride and jealousy just suck! I don't know why he thinks he's got to be better than me anyway. I guess I know nothing. Well I just keep my thoughts to myself now. The next day I was still really down and I got to call my friend again and she helped me see what I needed to see thru to help me. I also told her of the vision Steve told me. We both decided then and there it wasn't a message from the Lord.
I actually got something on that the next day. So I dissected it. Steve had said "if she won't wait on me" I don't really think that God is who I need to wait on in terms of my calling it's Steve I am waiting on. The only reason I think he would want to release me would be so I would just shut up. Besides he cannot release me of his spiritual responsibility anyway. I would have to be dead for that to take place. As far as the ministry to ruin and alienation, that seems to be going on right now. Steve needs to get where God has sent us and I guess that is where I have to wait on God to fix it. Our ministry for God as far as what God has called us to do has come to a screeching halt and I don't get to see my friends from the church much at all anymore. I do feel "left out and alienated". I don't know if it's this drive to get back to God's calling for my life that is causing me to be just outspoken or what.
Well to wrap this all up, my friend gave me more council and I asked God to forgive me for being so stupid and I had to ask Steve to forgive me for being rebellious and I just put all this in God's hands and let him deal with it. That's where the faith comes in. That's what I should have done from the beginning but my faith is weak in this kind of thing and I have a hard time doing this. But I will learn alot from this battle. My friend said "give it to God and if it's your calling that God wants you where he has sent you then he will move Steve out of the way so you can go there." God will move Steve and I have faith that he will do that. What I lack on this is patience. I feel I really need to be busy about God's work. I know what he has called me to do and I want to do it but I can't right now because of Steve. I am on a path of learning again and I will just have to take a break and learn more. I do have something new to do. My friend Jill is going to tutor me on how to put together a bible study on a subject. Now granted I know how to do this already and God gives me the material but I think she will give me a little more insight and maybe I can practice more with the presentation because even in front of her I am nervous!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Daily Confession
Today is a good day. I will have lots of fun and learn new things. The life of God is in me and His life gives light to my mind. I am strong and healthy. I am well favored spirit, soul, and body. The life of God is in me and His life gives health to my body. The angels of God are around me and protect me, so nothing bad happens to me. And God gives me what I need for each day so I have no lack, but I have abundance. And God gives me the wisdom and understanding in every situation I face, so I know what to do. I am nice. I am polite. I keep my body under control. And in everything I do I do my best. I know my God and in Him I am strong and do great things. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Repeat every morning or as many times as necessary throughout the day.
Repeat every morning or as many times as necessary throughout the day.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers...
As I was laying in bed this morning, I seemed to get a revelation of sorts. This scripture came to mind.....
And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, Eph 4:11-12
There is more to this verse but I was meant to dwell on this particular part. You may read it if you wish as it gives more reasons for the verse 11.
So I got to thinking, which is my favorite pastime, and I also have to discern whether this is God talking or something else. You know other things can talk to you too. So I am thinking apostles, prophets, evengelists, pastors and teachers. I then think about teachers, hummm.... I also have to have a basic understanding of these 5 offices. Apostles someone told me are "church planters" but my bible commentary says "ambassadors". Prophets are someone who hears from God about future events but it also has to line up with God's word. Prophets can also bring words of encouragement or correction. Evengelists are gospel preachers. They hold revivals to bring people into the body of Christ and if there is a calling on their life they can be identified and put to work for the cause of the ministry. Now they don't have to answer the call. Pastors are shepherds of the church with a calling to feed the sheep. (congregation) All people need to be fed "spiritual food" for their spirit to grow and mature. Pastors are the main people for this job. But teachers also feed to sheep and are more to equip believers than pastors are. Teachers are the main way believers get their equipping done. Besides people have to pray and study on their own as well. But questions and discussions are best answered by either the pastor or teacher. I think that's why this scripture links them so close together. But if you think about it a bit all these offices need to have an extensive knowledge of the Word of God hence they go to bible college. Pastors and teachers even more so since they are the ones who have more contact with people on a daily basis. So the question that I was having answered is are teachers actually classified as pastors as well. Since most pastors are teachers and teachers can aspire to be pastors. Are they one in the same???? Is it the same role??? Now I've heard some pastors preach messages that have had no teaching in it whatsoever "for me". Their message might have spoke to someone else that needed to hear it just not me. So in the verse it says "some pastors and teachers" like it links these two together so as I would see it pastors are teachers and teachers are pastors so that would mean pastors are the only ones who should teach. And this brings us to the real issue of the message, can this role be filled by a woman???? But the question is answered that pastors are teachers and if you have a calling of a teacher then you are called as a pastor as well or serve in a pastoral role. What an interesting observation!!! But on the other hand is an overseer and a pastor the same??? It seems so but then the job description of an overseer seem to differ from a pastor. In 1 Timothy, it says of elders that there are the ones who oversee the church and others that "labor in the Word and doctrine." So you can be an elder and not preach or teach. Because this verse refers to "double honor" as one who rules well and preaches/teaches. (1 Tim 5:17) So can a pastor run the church and have someone else preach and teach?? Haven't seen this. I think my brain is about puzzled out so I will continue this thread another day and maybe get more on this later. (if I am confused then by all means feel free to fix it)
And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, Eph 4:11-12
There is more to this verse but I was meant to dwell on this particular part. You may read it if you wish as it gives more reasons for the verse 11.
So I got to thinking, which is my favorite pastime, and I also have to discern whether this is God talking or something else. You know other things can talk to you too. So I am thinking apostles, prophets, evengelists, pastors and teachers. I then think about teachers, hummm.... I also have to have a basic understanding of these 5 offices. Apostles someone told me are "church planters" but my bible commentary says "ambassadors". Prophets are someone who hears from God about future events but it also has to line up with God's word. Prophets can also bring words of encouragement or correction. Evengelists are gospel preachers. They hold revivals to bring people into the body of Christ and if there is a calling on their life they can be identified and put to work for the cause of the ministry. Now they don't have to answer the call. Pastors are shepherds of the church with a calling to feed the sheep. (congregation) All people need to be fed "spiritual food" for their spirit to grow and mature. Pastors are the main people for this job. But teachers also feed to sheep and are more to equip believers than pastors are. Teachers are the main way believers get their equipping done. Besides people have to pray and study on their own as well. But questions and discussions are best answered by either the pastor or teacher. I think that's why this scripture links them so close together. But if you think about it a bit all these offices need to have an extensive knowledge of the Word of God hence they go to bible college. Pastors and teachers even more so since they are the ones who have more contact with people on a daily basis. So the question that I was having answered is are teachers actually classified as pastors as well. Since most pastors are teachers and teachers can aspire to be pastors. Are they one in the same???? Is it the same role??? Now I've heard some pastors preach messages that have had no teaching in it whatsoever "for me". Their message might have spoke to someone else that needed to hear it just not me. So in the verse it says "some pastors and teachers" like it links these two together so as I would see it pastors are teachers and teachers are pastors so that would mean pastors are the only ones who should teach. And this brings us to the real issue of the message, can this role be filled by a woman???? But the question is answered that pastors are teachers and if you have a calling of a teacher then you are called as a pastor as well or serve in a pastoral role. What an interesting observation!!! But on the other hand is an overseer and a pastor the same??? It seems so but then the job description of an overseer seem to differ from a pastor. In 1 Timothy, it says of elders that there are the ones who oversee the church and others that "labor in the Word and doctrine." So you can be an elder and not preach or teach. Because this verse refers to "double honor" as one who rules well and preaches/teaches. (1 Tim 5:17) So can a pastor run the church and have someone else preach and teach?? Haven't seen this. I think my brain is about puzzled out so I will continue this thread another day and maybe get more on this later. (if I am confused then by all means feel free to fix it)
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